FanScene Funnies

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“LAUGHTER IS THE SPARK OF THE SOUL”

Editor’s note – Who says life has to be serious? Here on FanScene, from time to time, we like to throw in a random humorous article. Laughter really is the best medicine for life’s ills. Recent research has revealed that laughing 100 times is equal to 15 minutes on an exercise bike! Now I can’t speak for all of you but I would rather get my total body workout doing some guffawing than spinning away on the bike to no where .

“Humor is something that thrives between man’s aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.”

~ Victor Borge

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What Are David Archuleta Free Zones

Originally posted Feb 1, 2011 by ArchieFanDoc
After being “confronted” with yet another imposition of David Archuleta into his life –  the Big G (ArchieFanDoc’s husband) decided to declare certain things in life that should be considered “David Archuleta Free Zones”…  here are a few of those things and the transgressions that occurred that prompted the Free Zone request.

FACE BOOK -

Warning – DO NOT – accidentally post an Archuleta Fan Scene article on your spouse’s Face Book page – at least it was the Happy Mother’s Day article and he was able to answer to the taunts of friends, peers, former boss – just thought it was a nice gesture for all the Moms on his friend’s list. No one was really buying it though!

Gosh – good thing it was not an article about a David Archuleta Poster in 17 magazine or something like that

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CAR CD PLAYER and Radio station settings — or “Crush times Three”: Well yes dear, every time you turn on the car, and the CD player goes on – the first song of the first CD in the disc player will come on “I got off the phone tonight….” ARRRRRGGGGHHHH he says, how many times am I going to have to hear that song? WELL NOT ENOUGH – because he then changed to the XM radio – it was preset to XM 20 on 20 bwwaahahaha… I kid you not, this is what he heard: “aye e aye e aye e aye, this Crush ain’t going awaaaaaaaaaay,”   AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH.

What station is that he asked incredulously? mind if I put on MY station – so he switched to the XM radio  to the  ”The Blend” – 25  – happiness, a song that was NOT Crush was just finishing up, but then next up was… “I got off the phone tonight”
AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So then he changed it to talk radio the BBC  – he was “safe”.  :P

(I miss those days when I actually heard Crush on the radio!)

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His iPod —

I have NO idea how this happened, seriously I don’t.  After the big G spent hours of downloading several movies on to his iPod to watch on a long business trip I was asked to charge it up for him during the night — I obliged and hooked up the UBS thingy  and clicked on the stuff that popped up on the screen — he collected the iPod the next morning and off on his business trip.

On the plane he took out the iPod to watch some movies — but all that came up on the screen was the music video to CRUSH. AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH. I seriously do not know how that happened.

The lady sitting next to him loved it though!  Also the group of travelers on the airport shuttle were also treated to a little Archuleta!

The other guys at the conference also got a little Archuleta… (no not husband showing off the Archuleta but more like “you won’t believe what my wife did to me… here look what’s on my iPod!) So, my “plan” worked

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Build a Bear Tee-shirt
Do Not put a teddy bear with a cute little tee shirt with cute little David Archuleta face on it on the hubbies night stand.

I repeat:
Do Not put a teddy bear with a cute little tee shirt with cute little David Archuleta face on it on the hubbie’s night stand.

nuf said, no need to explain this one further!
also do Not put a tee shirt on his cat either

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Tivo —

You know what happens when you have every single TV performance saved on the Tivo, including the entire Macy’s parade and AI finale show, and and every talk show, skating show… and and and

- but then the World Cup  Soccer happens —– the Tivo finally ends up not recording a game because it has been maxed out of memory!

no arrrggggggghhh for that one – can’t post it here what he said that time

Never touch a man’s Tivo, nevah!

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DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT DOWN LOAD CHORD’S OF STRENGTH ONTO YOUR HUSBAND’S KINDLE.

*** BUY YOUR SELF YOUR OWN KINDLE INSTEAD – AND DOWN LOAD IT THERE ***

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If you really want to make your hubby nuts make sure the family car keys look like this!!! LOL Mickey is onboard from the Florida trip. Angels, hearts, and squiggly pigs…oh my! Gail

*** I am sure he especially loves the little Utah license plate that says David

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His Amazon account

Mr. AFD just loooooves getting these Amazon “suggested for you” emails based on “his” ordering patterns, yah know NOT!

(but go ahead, put a little check mark on that box that says “I own it” – go ahead, do it, technically you do! in fact you “own” about 20 TOSOD’s Mr. AFD )

***Note to AFD – you better get your own Amazon account before ordering a slew of Glad Christmas Tidings DVD’s and CD’s on Amazon ***

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Send us your stories of your own “David Archuleta Free Zones”

We will post them on FanScene, I know I am not alone!

HIDDEN EMAIL

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Scenarios and Saves for Metal Heads turned Archu-Dudes – or, how to explain your closet full of summer scarves and plaid

Original post Aug 22, 2009 by ArchuletaFanScene

The Scenario:

You’re sitting outside alone on your patio cranking “My Hands” on 10. You’re caught up in the moment – emoting with your body, face filled with angst, singing along loud and off-key when out of the corner of your eye you notice a buddy watching you through the screen door. You panic.

“Dude. What are you doooing?”

The Save:

“DUDE! Wow! How did this CD get in here! I thought this song was about smashing watches and torching alarm clocks!! I thought it was going to be cool! I think some poser is messing with my tunes!!!”

Make a “pshht” face and toss David’s CD onto an empty patio chair – (make sure it lands gently on the cushion.)

Switch to disc two, hit play, and yell, “M E T A L L I CAAAAA!” Stuff a cold drink into your buddy’s hand, start banging your head to “St. Anger,” and make faces like this…

Metallicaaa faaaaace!!!!

Avoid eye contact.

The Scenario:

The same buddy has to use your restroom after you dared him to chug his drink. As he’s walking down the hallway he notices the glow coming from your computer’s screensaver. He walks into your room and sees this:

“Umm…what’s with the screensaver, bro?”

The Save:

“What?
- That?
Oh, that’s…Chuck Norris
When he was younger.
Pre-Nam photo.
Probably a collectible.
Rare.
Raaaare photo of…the Chuckster.”

“Why does he look so… joyful?”

“Pshht. *face palm* That’s not joy, dude, are you blind?
That’s pure testosterone driven rage. Look at the eyes, bro!
- it’s like he’s about to Place Kick a squirrel, or something…”

“I thought Norris was blond – and, he was in KOREA, not Vietnam.”

“Duuude…they dyed his hair for the movies, man.
I’m talking about ‘MISSING IN ACTION?’
Hello? *insert Karate chop* …Vietnam?
Duuuh.”

Avoid eye contact.

The Scenario:

Before you can get your buddy out of your room, he notices your autographed copy of “Life Story Magazine,” the Japanese version of “David Archuleta,” your collection of “Angels for a Cause” buttons, charity bracelets – and then he sees your closet.

“DUDE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!”

“Whaaat?!!
Plaid is Gruunge, bro.”

“Plaid is grunge?…
- Fine. Explain the rack of summer scarves.”

The Save:

“Those? Pshht. *rolls eyes* I’ve had those since I was a kid, dude.
I was going through my Aerosmith / Steven Tyler phase, geez”

“They still have the tags.”

“That was the styyyyle dude! Remember when all gangsta kids left the tags on their ball caps?
It was like that -
Only with…plaid *cough* ….summer scarves.”

The Scenario:

Your buddy’s not convinced. You’re afraid he’s beginning to wonder if there’s more in your closet than just plaid.

“So let me get this straaaaight *chuckles,* One – You’re listening to “My Hands…”

“Wha!!”

“Let me finiiish…
TWO – You have a screensaver you’re trying to pass off as ‘Chuck Norris.’
Threeeee …you have more collectibles than my 12-year-old daughter.”

“BUT!”

*winks* “Hold ooon…
Four. And your closet looks like you shop at the same thrift store as the Bay City Rollers.

Is there something you’d like to tell me?”

The Confession:

“OKAYIMADAVIDARCHULTEAFANOKGETOVERIT!”

“Relax, bro, haha! I love David Archuleta.”

“DAVIDARCHULETAISREALLY…
You… *chokes* doooo?”

“Sure! The kid rocks, dude –
It’s okaaaay.”

“It is?
You know I’m still metal, right?
I mean…*throws horns* we’re still buds? -
Right? Like Beevis and Butthead?”

“Psssht. Of course, bro! Come on…
Let’s go down to McKennah’s and shoot some pool
- have a few hot wings, watch the game?”

“COOL! Okay, hold on a sec, give me a chance to change my shirt…
Does this scarf match?”

“Umm… why don’t you leave the scarves here – in the closet.
*shakes head*
Try this on for size.”

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How Do You Sneak David Archuleta Into Your Day?

Original post July 24, 2009 by Deb

Archiefandoc and I were having a conversation recently, and we began to compare notes on how we get our David fix when our hubbies are lurking. The more we started talking about it, the funnier it got, and let’s face it, we know EVERYONE has done some of these things! Even if you’re not a married woman, you’ve probably made some excuse to a family member, maybe told some little white lie, just so you could sneak a few extra David tunes or videos into your day, right?

I’m sure lots of kids have promised their parents that they were going to bed and then snuck their iPod out from under the pillow. Or the male fan at the office wanting to get caught up on David news from a fansite having to quickly minimize the screen when a co-worker walks in.. We’ve all done it! This is the list we’ve compiled, and I’m certain it could go much, much longer. lol

Ways to sneak more David Archuleta time past the hubby..

-Offer to take the trash to the dump so you can crank David tunes in the car. Trust me, he’ll NEVER say no to this.

-Pretend to be reading the newspaper while you sneak your iPod touch between the pages.

-Sneak computer time while he’s on the lawnmower. (Very important to close the shades though so he doesn’t see you doing “David stuff” as he zips by the window)

-While he’s in the shower (maybe buy his favorite body wash or something to keep him in there longer)

-Put something really boring on t.v. and wait for him to fall asleep on the couch

-Sneak iPod into the bathroom after complaining about being in gastric distress and telling him you might be in there a while. He’s not likely to come looking for you.

-While he is driving the kid(s) to school. Encourage him to do this often so they can “bond”.

-Encourage him to pursue every hobby under the sun. “You should go back to playing tennis, or you could go fishing! You love fishing!” Or, “looks like a beautiful day to hit the golf course!” Or you could go for the Hail Mary.. “I think you and your buddies should take off for a Guy’s Only weekend!” Not only does that get him out of the house, but you look like the coolest, most awesome wife EVER.

-Make an excuse to drive ANYWHERE, even if it’s 20 miles out of your way to buy a gallon of milk. Buy a little iPod thingy for the car so you can actually listen/watch videos while driving. They say texting while driving is dangerous.. try watching David jump to Zero Gravity or stare into your eyes during Love Me Tender while driving in heavy traffic. I highly recommend NOT doing that actually. ((AFD says DO NOT try this at home )))

-When he asks if it’s ok to go ride his motorcyle, you say take as long as you like, in fact how about a little weekend trip – only you and the open road! (and while he is zipping away you are hearing “only me, only you, and the band…..” )

-Let laundry pile up and then ask him to help with housework -knowing that all of a sudden he’ll have something really important to go do that requires leaving the house.

-Buy iTunes gift cards so hubby can’t see on the credit card how many actual copies of a David song you are buying ( I made that mistake with Crush.. he questioned why there were about 30 purchases of the same song. Lucy! You got some ‘splainin’ to dooo!)

-Buy a Visa gift card at grocery store to purchase your Fan Scene “Archu-Gear” so you don’t have to hear when the credit card bill comes in “more Zazzle stuff again?”

-When he goes out to hot tub, make an excuse why you’re not joining him

-When he calls to say he’s almost home, but you were about to go check out some YouTube videos you had been waiting to see all day, tell him you forgot to defrost the meat (as you are putting it back into freezer) and can he please go to La Salsa and pick up dinner (and you chose La Salsa because not only his favorite place -but they take forever!).

I‘m sure some of these things David definitely would NOT approve of but hey, we need our  David time! Let us know in comments some of the things you’ve done to sneak some precious David time past your loved ones or co-workers!

WE’D RATHER BE DAVID ARCHULETA ‘ING

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Wait Mr. Postman is There a Letter For Me? ?

Original post Sept 9, 2009 by ArchieFanDoc

For some reason I just cannot get that song out of my head – you know the one made famous by the Marvelettes and then redone by the Beatles and then the Carpenters and now the Archulettes:

Wait, oh yes wait a minute mister postman

Wait, wait mister postman

Mister postman look and see

You got a letter , my returned SASE

I been waiting such a long time

Since I heard from that favorite singer of mine

There must be some word today

From my Archie who was just in LA

Please mister postman look and see

If there’s a letter, a letter for AFD

I been standing here waiting mister postman

So patiently

For just a card or just a letter

Saying he remembers me

So many days you passed me by

See the tear standing in my eye

You didn’t stop to make me feel better

By leaving me a card or a letter

You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute

You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute

You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute

You gotta check it and see, for that returned SASE

Deliver the letter, the sooner the better

Ok David Archuleta – we can wait! But all we want for Christmas is a letter in our mailbox, a letter in our mailbox, a letter in our mailbox. Oh please oh please oh pleeeaaaasseee. No we can’t wait – we be crying babies.

The LA Archulettes – Judith, SusanM, and AFD — Still waiting for their letters! We can’t sing so will let the Marvelettes do it for us

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I Know You Are My Best David Archuleta-Buddy When ……

Original post Dec 30, 2009 by ArchieFanDoc

You know you’re my best DavidArchuleta -bud when I give you the passwords to unlock my PC – so if I were to die first – you can go and DELETE JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING I have downloaded from the internet for the past year and a half.

You know you’re my best Archu-bud when — I just paid my probate lawyer an additional 750 dollars to amend my living will to include you getting all of my archu-swag -including my autographed “ArchieFanDoc ♥ David Archuleta” Tee-shirt.

I know you’re my best Archu-bud when you let me use your credit card to “money launder” all of my archu-purchases through so as to NOT appear on my credit card statement and forever be an archive of all of my excessive spending.

I know you’re my best Archu-bud when you reprogrammed my GPS to bypass the first 5 steps because you know I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

I know you are my best Arch-bud when you swear you saw David Archuleta wave “just to me” in the mosh pit…..

I knew you are my best Archu-bud when you whipped out that roll of toilet paper and gave me the large cape off your back just in case the rumors we heard about the doorless bathroom stalls at Pomona Glass House where true.

I know you are my best Archu-bud when you bring aspirin, band-aids, breath mints, Kleenex, trail mix, water and a Sharpie pen in your purse in case I forget.

I know you are my best Archu-bud when you say I look absolutely stunning in my homemade David T shirt accessorized by 12 rubber charity bracelets, and an “I Love David Archuleta” helium balloon tied to my wrist.

I knew you were my absolute best arch-bud when you pried my fingers off the chain link fence as David’s tour bus left the parking lot.

SO TELL US WHAT SORT OF THINGS YOUR BEST ARCHU-BUD HAS DONE FOR YOU – OR VISA VERSA !!!

special thanks to one of my best buds – Judith I ♥ Judith !

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Schrödinger’s Cat: Getting David’s Artistry

Original post Nov 23, 2009 by Kizzi

My immediate family consists of 14 people: 4 children, 6 grandchildren, 2 sons-in-laws and my sweet Mr. Kizzi. Of those 14 people 7 of us, yes, 50 percent, are ardent David fans. The other 50% are in various stages of acceptance of this most joyful and shared (at least by half of us) family adventure.

I think they are actually envious of the connection the 7 of us have and trying to figure how to join us.

My 25 year-old son has been analyzing this joy, that he doesn’t share, quite studiously for over 18 months. He is a lover of physics and science.

When he was twelve he got a book from the Discovery Channel Store called, “Who’s Afraid of Schrödinger’s Cat?” based on a quantum mechanics theory from Nobel Prize winning Austrian physicist, Erwin Schrödinger, a contemporary of Albert Einstein who traded letters with Einstein on this very theory.

Schrödinger’s premise describes how different perceptions can arise when viewing one of many quantum superpositions (states of being.) His example used a cat (thus the title.) Simply, a quantum superposition is the combination of all the possible states of being. That “superposition” undergoes “collapse” into a “definite state” only at the exact moment of quantum measurement (the moment of viewing.)

My son claims 7 of us see what he can’t see when viewing David’s artistry due to viewing different states of being on the moment of viewing…as in what the listener/viewer hears and sees when David sings.

My non-David fan daughter saw an interview where David said he was “18, looked like twelve and acted like 14. “ She, herself, refers to David as “that young KID.” My daughter can’t find the reference and neither can I. I do remember something to that effect in one of his interviews. I am sure someone reading this will have it saved or bookmarked.

I do believe my son and daughter are on to something that they can wrap their minds and feelings around as they continue to find ways to join the other 7 of us on this fabulous David fan journey. Their quantum superposition that collapses upon viewing David’s artistry revolves around his “age.” That shapes their observations with assumptions, meanings and conclusions different from ours. They see and hear something different.

When I see and listen to David, I see this:

When they see and listen to David, they see this:

My son actually came up with this illustration to explain what is happening:

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Or, as my 22-year old son told his older brother after patiently listening to this explanation of the Schrödinger’s Cat Theory coupled with the diagrams of the “Haves” (David Fans) and “Have Nots” (Non-David Fans) in the family:

“It’s just a matter of taste, bro.”